Thursday, April 4, 2013

Revision


I decided to choose Essay 2 to revise. I feel that I have a good start on it and that there is room for improvement.  Having a strong base to work from, makes it easier to concentrate more on my weaknesses when I write.  I am also confident that I can improve on this essay because I know so much about tanning. With my background knowledge on tanning, I feel that I can add and improve more facts about it. I want to go more in depth about my argument and make it clearer. I want to organize my paragraphs in a way that each has only one main point; for example in my 3rd body paragraph I addressed two man points, I would like to make that paragraph into two in order to make it easier to understand. Another thing I would like to improve on is creating stronger topic and ending sentences. These sentences are important because they are the first and last thing the reader reads and the most important part of body paragraphs. I would also like to add quotes from different sources to prove my points; I think this will make the point of the essay stronger. Overall I think these improvements and revisions will improve and strengthen my essay. 

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