I decided to choose Essay 2 to revise. I feel that I have a
good start on it and that there is room for improvement. Having a strong base to work from, makes it
easier to concentrate more on my weaknesses when I write. I am also confident that I can improve on this
essay because I know so much about tanning. With my background knowledge on
tanning, I feel that I can add and improve more facts about it. I want to go
more in depth about my argument and make it clearer. I want to organize my
paragraphs in a way that each has only one main point; for example in my 3rd
body paragraph I addressed two man points, I would like to make that paragraph
into two in order to make it easier to understand. Another thing I would like
to improve on is creating stronger topic and ending sentences. These sentences
are important because they are the first and last thing the reader reads and
the most important part of body paragraphs. I would also like to add quotes
from different sources to prove my points; I think this will make the point of
the essay stronger. Overall I think these improvements and revisions will improve
and strengthen my essay.
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